Already got asked if we're dating
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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