I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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