I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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