You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
