After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
