i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
