My liver just broke up with me...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
