I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
