I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
