You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
