I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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