thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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