sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
