when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
