So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
