She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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