I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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