so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
