He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
