She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
