if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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