Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
