I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
