they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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