I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
false alarm, still single
Randomize
