drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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