Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
