I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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