I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
barbara walters just said penis...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
