how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
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Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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