Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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