real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
