I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
