batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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