you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
