So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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