I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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