Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
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She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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