Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
