I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
