Your mouth is God's brothel.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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