Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
