i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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