If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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