I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
