sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
