It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
