i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
