he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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