Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
