I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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