Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
