Are we in a gay sports bar?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
