Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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