I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
