i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
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The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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