She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I wear drunk well.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
