I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
