now i know why i became what i already was.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
