just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
