she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
