just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
