I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
