i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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