I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
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is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
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It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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