Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
