I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Of course I have a pirate flag
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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