A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
