my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
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I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
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What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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