i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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