Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
