ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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